One More Day

I keep trying to decide where I want to go with this blog. Trying to see if I can use it but be "anonymous" so I can dig a little deeper. Sometimes I write things in my own personal journal that I am sure others would benefit from. Or at least benefit in the fact that, you are not alone.

I know we hear that over and over, but no matter how many people try and tell us these words, they are in the end, just words. Things will get worse before they get better. And then when they just get worse they tell us, it could be worse. You could be [insert situation here which seems worse than yours]. But in all honesty, they don't know.

They don't know how you are feeling at the moment. How broken inside you are and how the world is falling apart around you because, you may have just stubbed your toe on... and you could have been barefoot. No, this is not the whole reason you are crumpled on the floor in tears. And when you hit a knot in your tangled hair that you just can't get out? That's not the reason why you're sitting there thinking the world would be a better place without you.

They are just openings to break. Things build up through out the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months... Even years. And then, you drop a fork while you are trying to put dishes away...

Your life is over. You may as well end it right there because you are not good enough, you are worthless. You can't even put a fucking fork away correctly. Friends and family? What good are you...

Harsh, I know, but this is what it is all about. The tears, the screaming, the holes in your bathroom wall... Tearing out your hair because you dropped a fork.

Well I am here to tell you the truth. There are people out there that go through this every day, just like you... But in no way do they know and feel exactly how you feel... You are alone in your own mind.

Everyone handles things differently and what we have to do is reach out to these other people and learn from their coping skills. What do they do? What number do they count to? What mantra do they have? What ritual? And who do they call if anyone...

If you are like me, you won't call. No matter how many times people tell you to call. You won't. You don't want to be a bother and you know they have more important things to do other than offer you sympathy. Sympathy over what? That fork? How do you explain that to someone...

You can't.

You just have to hope you get through the night and put your car back in drive and make your way over the bridge you've been sitting at the bottom at for the last 15-20 minutes and try again tomorrow.

I'm here to tell you that it's just one more day to get through.

That's all you have.

One more day.