NOTE: Whatever I wrote may not make any sense, be hypocritical, or may contradict itself. Please don't tell me what I already know. It's not a journal but I mean, he said write. So...I wrote.
I can't write about horses or Lucky, the love of my life. I can't write poetry or songs without getting aggravated. Everything's been done and I don't have a challenge. I want someone to challenge me to write about something I love. Something I care so much about that...It doesn't matter. If I started talking about riding, "The Circle of Death" today, they'd probably look the other way not even wanting to know about what "The Circle of Death" is anyway. They probably wouldn't find it that interesting. Or they'd fake it.
I talk so much anyway, people lose track and just...Don't bother. I'm not saying no one cares and I'm not trying to...I don't know. I don't mean to sound b****y about it. I just want to talk about something important and be known for something. I want my friends to tease me about stuff. Kinda like when we tease Jackie about Zoe. I want to have the words that Mogget and L.T. have. Their thoughts. I'm inferior and I know that. It's not their fault. It's my nature to follow even though my mother always said I'm a leader. Yeah, okay.
Everything special I have, someone's already got. There's no talent there. I'm a jack-of-all-trades but there isn't one thing that I have to share with everyone else.
I don't know what I'm saying.
I need to stop.
Getting a little too emotional.
Lately I've been wondering why people think the way they think about other people.
That's a mouth full...
Seriously though. I don't understand.
I know everyone's different and everyone thinks differently, but how come...I don't know what I'm trying to say so nevermind.
I don't know what to do with myself. I'm okay. I'm fine. But there's so much that I want to spill out and I don't know how without getting angry with myself or other people. My teacher told a two of my closest friends that I was upset about something and he wanted to know what. They said that I didn't say anything at lunch...
Me...Not say anything...At lunch.
They're right. I didn't. I barely even spoke.
Coincidence? I think not.
I guess I'm just getting to far into something I shouldn't. Well, that's according to some people. And they're right. I don't want to get my heart torn out again. There was barely anything left last time. What about now?
We're just friends ya know? I'm not gonna let myself be a rebound again. I'm not gonna hurt myself again. I promise. He's not on the rebound anyway. He's growing up and growing some balls to stand up for himself. It's a two way thing though. It takes two to tango. He has his faults and I understand that. Maybe the good I see in him, is what I don't have. I know people can change. Not over-night obviously, but they can. I know I have (but that's a whole other story).
We're nothing more than friends and never will be.
Like he'd go to prom with me anyhow.
4 comments:
You're not "inferior" to anyone!!!! I may be able to jumble together a bunch of words on paper but I've often envied people who, like you said in your last entry, "talk too much", because I'm shy and such and would like to be able to talk freely like - you! ^_^ But what I mean is everybody is good at something different and no one thing is better than another. And I definitely don't think you are a follower. Followers seem bland and dull and never have their own opinions but you are fun and think for yourself!
And P.S. (or C.P.S :D), I am quite curious about this "Circle of Death". It sounds very fearful indeed o_o
You and who else? Oh! Tomatoes? Hehehe...Yeah. I wish I took you guys. Maybe you would've danced with me instead of just...Standing...
L.T. I love you. Tomorrow I shall tell you of the "Circle of Death" if you so wish to know.
Well, talking about Horses should be easy enough Maddie. Just talk about horses like they aren't horses >.> I mean try to make the reader think that they are reading about something else. That way you can get your horse theme AND make people pay attention. <(^O^)>
you should compare Lucky to a Car! People could relate to that. Think about it. I don't want to spoil your thinking process.
I really can write about horses all day long. But I don't want to steal Jackie's fire when she writes about it. Dr. Hillman gave her that challenge, not me.
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